Male bashing

Hey why does life treat girls differently, man?
Maybe because we're special. God has made us so!
We don't have great expectations and always ready to make sacrifices;
Maybe that's why we're put through trials in our different relationships as daughters, sisters, lovers and finally wives.
The men want all the attention and maybe thats why the society is so pro-men and most of the norms, laws, and even nature works in their favour.
Poor men, what would they be without all those things working in their favour?!
So girls, let men have all that. We're special in our own ways.
Special when we cry for our loved ones,
Special when we care and be there for our near and dear.
It's always the Mom who keeps awake when her children are ill.
It's the wife who spends sleepless nights when her husband is going through problems
It's the woman who takes a day off from work when there's a problem at home.
It's the woman who has to cook and clean at home even though both partners have equally challenging careers.
But it's always the men who rest on Sundays and holidays.
Why should the men's mistakes and sins always be forgiven when no one gives women another chance?
Men always make a hue and cry over little pains.
But women have to look the house even after painful labour.
Then the child's her responsibility.
The daddy comes into the scene when the child's neat and clean!
After the mother's given the good values, the Dads come to take the credit.

I've known a spinster in her forties through some common friends and always wondered whether she had personal problems due to which she couldn't marry. Never dared to ask her such a personal question, though. But recently, after being 'taken for granted' and being 'expected to sacrifice' for being a woman, I was really depressed and spoke to her right from my heart.

There was nothing special happening in my life too, so I thought I'll share my thoughts with her and what she felt like at the thought of being alone for the rest of her life. I was surprised to get an insight into life for the first time. She told me that not marrying was a decision she took in her teens when young girls used to dream of prince charming and love and blissful life ahead! What she'd seen around her had made her realise that women always have to live upto, and sometimes exceed, expectations of the men in her life. But no matter what, the men will never be satisfied and always find flaws. And some men go to the extent of abusing and ill-treating their women, if they don't comply. Also, in her community, which still follows some age old values, for every festival gifts have to go from the girls maternal home to her in-laws house. And though the girls' family tries their best to send the best, her husband and in-laws will never be satisfied. The girl is then taunted directly and indirectly and finally there comes a time when you start dreading the festivals after marriage. Because you work till you drop during major ocassions but never get appreciated. You have to please everyone and still end up as the cause of their problems and finally lead a dull existence!

This was her perspective and to true some extent in the Indian society I asked her if she regretted her decision. 'No' was her prompt reply. Cause every woman -friend and relative she'd known had lost their own identities and stopped being themselves after marriage. And most of them were not-so-happy with their marriages.

And moreso, she said, she'd not come across any man in her life after meeting whom she could look back and say that if so-and-so would have been there, her life would be special. So, she still enjoys all the festivals in the true 'girl spirit'. And though all her sisters are married, she still chooses to be single and meet people and know different cultures. Her only regret is that she cannot fully enjoy life that way she wants to (the main reason for being unmarried) because she works with her brother in a family business and has to travel from one end of the city to the other daily leaving her very little time for herself. But thats the problem with everyone in the city, though.

Today, as I was walking down the street, I heard a middle aged woman speak to another woman with her, 'Kya karti bechari? Aurat toh mard ke saamne hamesha majboor ho jaati hai'! I don't want to be majboor. I want a man who will be honest with me and true care for me throughout life. I am not even asking for love because 'Love' is too high a word in today's age and too much to expect from men!

Till then I'll enjoy my 'girldom' !

(My heart's feeling a little lighter after all this male bashing! :-) )

A vow taken at a friends wedding!

Attended a friend's wedding today evening. Could make it on time since it was a holiday on account of Diwali. It was my sister's and my common friend, so she'd come along too!

It was a fun meeting so many friends after so long. Meeting up, catching up on old times. Welcoming the bride n groom, the wedding march, the song and music selection as well as the host was good.

The theme of the wedding was 'white and lavender' and cooindentally I was dressed in a shade close to lavender. It was an evening to remember, moreso because a close group friend was getting married and it brought our whole group together after ages! The group (formed for creative reasons many years ago!) which had got lost in work, work and more work.

It also brought together some single working friends like me together. And set us thinking whether wedding was ever destined for us! We also wondered at whose wedding we'll all meet next.

We finally left with good memories and dreams in our eyes, with a vow to only marry someone who will really touch our hearts deeply and not just marry for the sake of others or just because we have to!

hUSBAND dREAMS ! ;)

Most of us have read the poem 'Aisi Apni Wife Ho!'

Hey, we girls also have our expectations, which is presented well in the below mail which I received from a friend :

Aisa apna husband ho

Aisa apna husband ho

6' - 6'2" jiski height ho

Jeans dheeli magar body tight ho

apni baaton se karta excite ho

Wo dashing smart aur polite ho

Husband apna aisa bright ho.

Uski apni ek website ho

Network uska world-wide ho

Swiss bank mein account 26 - 27 ho

Jab shopping kar ke aoon,

bole begum tum kitni nice ho

Husband apna aisa bright ho

Uff tak na kare, itna quiet ho

Jalaa khana khakar bhi,

usey mujhpe pride ho

Mere har nakhre uthaye,

itna mizaaj uska light ho

Apne friends ke saamne kahe,

tum perfect bride ho

Husband apna aisa bright ho.

Dinner banaye wo,

jab bhi romantic night ho

Hamesha wo haar maan jaye,

jab bhi koi fight ho

Saas sasur ke samne kahe,

jaan tum hamesha right ho

Mujhe rani bana kar rakhe,

to phir zindagi delight ho

Husband apna aisa bright ho.

Bindaas apni mann ki karoon,

kuch is tarah ki life ho

Har doosre week ghoomne phirne ki flight ho

Aisa ho jaye to main udoon aasmaan mei,

jaise ke koi kite ho

Husband apna aisa bright ho!

Kaash yeh concept .001 percent bhi right ho,

Agar Aisa apna Husband ho,

to kya haseen life ho.

Whether its Hot or Not- Give Cleanliness a thought !

Its pretty hot these days. And hot weather in humid climate leads to lots of sweat. Perspiration leads to a sticky body attracting dirt and grime. Sweat itself leaves an odour when it dries up.

So one has to be careful how one smells and to herself and to others! Apart from smelling good, internal hygiene is also important (whether in summer or winter or any season for that matter!)

A female is an entire package. It doesn't only matter how you dress up externally. What is important is how attractive you are as a package deal. Women are required to be beautiful. That is the basic nature of a female. Beautiful as a person. Soft spoken and kind hearted. Like they say- Sugar and spice and all that's nice. And nice includes being clean and sweet smelling and pleasant to the eyes as well.

CLOTHES

Everyone wants to wear light cotton clothes in summer. Its a good idea! But stick to light coloured cotton clothes unless are going for a special occasion and need to wear synthetic clothes.

Night Gown fixation for home wear (avoid, yaar!)

At home many females prefer to don cotton nighties (night gown) because they are hassle free and save you from the summer and kitchen heat. My personal preference is to avoid wearing night gowns even if u're at home. Wear it at night and stretch it till you've had breakfast at the most. Then bathe and change into something refreshing. Like a cotton salwar suit. Or cotton trousers and T shirt.

But if you still feel that a gown is more comfy for you, then choose a good one, for your family's (mainly, husband's sake). Many Indian women look at nighties like an engineer's blue body- jacket, in which they can work and also wipe their dirty hands on. Hence, choose the darkest and dirtiest colours much to the disappointment of their spouses. I've been to lingerie shops and seen some women opting for dirty coloured cotton gowns most probably thinking its a nice thing to work in the kitchen in. All this while their men were hoping they'd select something 'stylish or sexy'. So please try to keep night gowns a night affair and go for an apron to wear over your clothes in the kitchen. Or choose pretty cotton gowns in stylish designs and cute colours making you look and feel like a woman and very feminine. Go for ones with laces and flowers and dors (tying threads). Don't wear dirty coloured night gowns driving your own family and spouse away from you.

Be elegant even at Home

Dressing at home does not mean that you can wear some old salwar of one dress and a khameez of another and dupatta of some other! Yuck! Be dignified and look smart whether in home or office. Whether working in kitchen or on the computer. Elegance is very important. And men like it. Be well dressed at all times. Wear the right matching clothes. Stitch clothes especially for home wear, if you have to, instead of wearing clothes which have either been worn or torn out.

This also serves a dual purpose. You don't have to run here and there searching for decent clothes if someone knocks at your door!

BATHING/ WASHING

Don't avoid bathing, especially in Summer. If you've had a bath in the morning and been out in the sun and feel sweaty and dirty again, have a mini bath again. Or at least wash your entire hands, legs, face with soap. And wipe your armpits with water and clean them. And go for change of clothing.

Also take care of your head. Everytime you bathe, bathe your head too! Many women feel that bathing again and again over your hair will spoil it. It's not so. Indian climate requires it. Else your head starts to smell odd. And remember, you will be travelling by a local train and someone might be standing close behind you. Keeping your head clean also keeps away the lice! Those whose heads are always cleaned and washed, have lice-free hair. Even if by chance, you happen to get some through others, they won't survive in clean hair and scalp!

And like you bathe yourself, bathe your clothes (I mean, wash 'em) too! And please please please do not re-wear once worn clothes again. Our weather and climate do not support it. Many have the habit of wearing something for a whole day at office, then keeping it away for another wear or more before they wash it! Result - smelly armpits and clothes! And people want to run away from you! No amount of perfume or talc can help! If you've worn it for an hour or two and want to wear it for another short wear, its different. But then ensure that after the first wear, the clothes are kept to dry in the sun. Such kind of hygiene will save you from a lot of skin diseases too! Of course, clothes like jeans and codroys, long flowing skirts can be worn for a few wears before wash because while jeans and codroys are of thick absorbing material, long flowing skirts do not directly touch your body.

AFTER A BATH

After a bath, you feel fresh and your skin breathes. Thats the time the dirt over your cells have been cleared and your skin feels good too. Its the time when your skin easily absorbs the body lotions and creams you treat it to.

Use an after shower spray if you can. Spray on your underarms. Then lightly all over you. They make you feel and smell good. Let it dry. If you have the time, use a body lotion on your hands, legs and breasts. And then dabble sweet and mild fragrant talc over you to soak up the oily cream/ lotion.

Avoid deos directly on your body. Though they are meant for your body, they harm your skin in the long run. If you have to use one, go for a reputed brand. We generally tend to buy them coz they're cheap. Yes, they are. For your skin. They can darken your underarms too. Also stay away from deo sticks. Even skin specialists will not recommend them. Excessive usage of deo sticks can lead to lumps or tumors too.

So stick to good shower sprays, if you can afford them. Else use good smelling talcum powder. Best is Johnson Baby powder. Of all the Indian brands I've researched, I haven't come across a really good smelling talc. Even the foreign brands launched in India don't smell as good as their counterparts in other countries. You can check the difference by buying the same talc, same fragrance, same brand- one imported and one their launch for the Indian market. So, baby powders are a safe bet. I knew of the brands Cuticura and Emami of my schooldays. I liked their fragrance, but hardly see them now.

After you don your clothes and intend to step out, then apply a good perfume. Here again don't wear too strong perfumes, scaring others away from you.

UNDERGARMENTS

Undergarments are as important as your clothes. Keep many in stock. And choose good and pleasant designs and colours. Don't try to save money by avoiding buying panties and bras. We don't think twice before blowing money in eating junk and paying lots of money in multiplexes and even paying double for food there. But generally keep only two or three pairs of panties. Don't be a 'kanjoos' where hygiene is concerned. Keep several panties and don't forget to change everyday. And with every bath. If required, you can change 'em twice even, you've been in sweaty weather.

Also do not forget to throw them away at the right time. Do a scrutiny of your underclothes every 2-3 months and throw away stuff which is worn out. Don't wait for too much wear and tear. Else, you might attract skin rashes and diseases.

Remember- Cleanliness is next to Godliness and all religions also preach 'purity'.

Be clean and smell sweet. In summer and all through the year.

Pics courtesy:

http://www.bambooclothes.com

http://www.thesewingplace.com
http://www.worth1000.com

Give it a thought!

Came across this one in a mail in office... nice one to share with all

The Woman in your life!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;
One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are;
One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your Sister haven't,
as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that
Gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements
One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as,
Much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;
One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who,
Love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family Name
One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1,
while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen
One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain;
to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to;
and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her;
and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;
One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy,
Unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;
Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply
Because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise
One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like Yours are to be met;
One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important Relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some And trust her;
One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.
But not many guys understand this...
Well... Give it a thought now!!

Want Space? Take it !

Dedicated to all the men who need SPACE :

Wife bought a present for husband's birthday.
He opened it and said - What the fuck will I do with a Rocket?
Wife : U wanted SPACE.... now sit on it and fuck off!

Goodlooking + Nice? Naah!

Had gone to watch 'Namaste London' with my sister and learnt this new funda from her while we were talking:

Goodlooking guys aren't nice,
Nice guys aren't goodlooking,
Goodlooking nice guys are gays!

I am beginning to believe this is true now! No wonder its difficult to find good guys these days

Being Beautiful isn't easy!

'Will you come into my parlour?'- said the spider to the fly. Some flashback of a nursery rhyme coming into my head as I am about to write about my trip to the parlour yesterday. And just like the invitation of the spider is lucrative yet cunning, so is the trip to a beauty parlour!

After the renovation work at home, I noticed that my skin needed pampering. And Saturday was a Bank holiday too! Thanks to Dr Ambedkar!

So I rushed where men fear to tread- the Ladies Beauty Parlour!

'Tis the only place where you can shed your clothes and get into a skimpy slip/ towel and announce 'I am ready' without shame!

'Tis the only place where a woman feels pampered and can be her natural self away from men's prying eyes! Though women themselves can get inquisitive about other women's underclothes, which is very funny!

You feel like a queen inside a parlour as 2-3 people attend to you all at once! One is attending to your legs, one your hands and one- your face! But then as the swish-swash begins with wax being applied and removed without emotion, then you want to scream but have to keep your moans limited to small whispers and chokes! Worst is when hand and leg waxing is being done at once by two people, that time you don't know which pain you are reacting to!

You feel most relaxed during a facial massage though! But just when you're feeling good and about to fall asleep, you are woken up with mini slaps on your shouders and back! Then you're subjected to steam, after which your nose and chin are pricked in the name of 'blackheads'! You half choke as someone holds our nose and gets working on the pores there! Grr! When that's done, you look and feel like a mess with a wet face-pack on you! As you are trying to see whats happening around you, two wet cotton pads come on your eyes and you go blind! Then you're left alone as the pack dries with no clue of wats happening around you! It seems a long time as you lie there clueless till your face-pack/mask dries and someone comes at last to rescue you and wash it off!

Best feeling is during a manicure and pedicure. But all parlours aren't good at it. You need a really good parlour to really pamper your palms and feet.

Threading is another thing which takes your breath away! It is as harsh as waxing! But thread you must to get your eyebrows in shape! You're asked to hold from here, there stretching your facial skin so that the beautician gets a grip of your eyebrow hair before she pulls it off! You twitch but the thought of looking beautiful keeps you sane!

Finally 2-3 hours later, you're done! Whatta relief! You pay the big bucks and get out feeling and looking great till your next trip! It feels worth the torture and pain!

Keep watching this Space!

Hey, cool poster for my girlie page. I had actually thought of keeping the name of this page- 'Shaggie's Corner'. But then decided against it. This pet name has stuck to me since school. And still goes with me, having entered office also! Shagufta is a bit difficult to digest, na? And Shaggie gels well with my warm girl-next-door image too! ;-) It was okay when I was younger. In fact, in between I'd even tried to get rid of that word. To wipe it out! But somehow it just sticks to me like gum!

Earlier it was just my very close pals. Now it has spread in office. The more I try to snap it off, the more it comes to me with full force! As I kept achieving seniority in office, I tried to cut out my extra smiles and bring a grim professional look on my face. But when I am in my element, my bubbly side pops up! When the work pressure of the day subsides a bit, my jokes, one-liners and songs keep popping out of me in sudden swings! And then Shaggie seems a proper tag! I tried to keep it away from the new juniors in our team, but they picked up from the old ones! Funniest is when some address me as 'Shaggie Ji' now. Thats kinda wierd!

I am the only one whom people will officially address as 'Shaggie' ( who've known me well!) on office mails. Though I try to revert back with a reminder not to use the same on official emails. Otherwise my kids in Trade Finance branches across North, East and West will skip from 'Ma'am' to 'Shaggie Ma'am'. And I wouldn't want that of course! Lately I've been trying to project a stricter image but with warmth and humour (Cannot loose that quality) and I am liking this respect of being 'Ma'am' or 'Shagufta Ma'am' by all the bacchas from other locations. But my own people will always call me Shaggie. To wipe it out completely, I will have to go to a totally new place where there is no one who knows of this name. But now thru this blog even the others know!

But what I wouldn't mind hearing sometime in my life is someone calling me- 'Shaggie Mom'! (getting senti now)

As for my page, keep watching it for girlie stuff. Work timings keep me occupied. Else my mind is brimming with girlie articles and secrets! I've rightly called this page 'Girlie Gupshup'!

We make them Cry

'We make them cry who care for us

And cry for them who will never care.

For the one who truly cares

Will never make us cry.'

Yes, how true. But people run after false dreams and often after people who hurt us and make us cry. And in the bargain we often fail to notice the people who will cry or get hurt for us. Love is a strange thing. We ignore the ones who love us and run after those whom we love even though the one we love might not love us in return. But why so? Because the thought of getting something which is hard-to-get often excites us. Finally we all fall into the trap of hurting one another forming a big circle of pain and sorrow! Then we complain that there is nothing called love.

Sometimes when a certain door of life closes on us, we waste a lot of time sulking about it. And in the bargain miss to notice the other door which has opened for us. This door might be full of happiness and love that we always desired. But blinded in sorrow and too much sulking, we realise of the door much too late. Many times, after it has already closed !

Its better to love and marry the people who love us rather than those whom we love. I also choose to marry the one who loves me rather than someone whom I love and who never cares.

If all of us, return love for love selflessly, then the world would be full of love and happiness. Or am I talking of an Utopian world?

Hidden beneath the dust

For those who are waiting for the posts on this blog (I wonder if anyone even visits it!), the girl in me is covered in dust and grime due to renovation work in our house! So, she's partly asleep! She's still in the philosophical mood and running with a mop and duster as soon as the labourers leave after the flooring, tile etc work for the day! And after she's sure no more dust will be flying and spoiling her skin (its getting darker with cement, seems like!) and hair, she goes and bathes! Feeling fresh now!

Just two more days... one of the bedrooms is a makeshift kitchen now! Many things are in a mess... things, utensils... everything. After all this work is over, I am going to indulge myself to a good facial, hair spa and lotsa pampering ! Hmm...

Many things around me seem to be in a mess, but all in preparation for a new look and a change for the better. My house, Mira Road station. The latter is preparing for 4 railway tracks. All the stalls outside have been broken, the stairs have been temporarily shifted. For the two extra railway lines, which has been a dream for the people living beyond Borivli. This dream became my own also when we shifted here 4 years back! The 31st March, 2007 deadline for work completion is over and with court extending the deadline to 30th June, 2007 now, work is now going on in full force! The new railway bridge is underway, the new ticket office.... it's going to be neat going by the look of things. But as of now, with the todh-fod, all's in a mess. Not to forget the Mega-Block since 2nd April, 2007! With work in full swing and trains being cancelled (as it is they are few), people living beyond Borivli are facing a problem commuting. The non-risk taking people (like me), end up leaving train after train, else go by auto rickshaw to Borivali (which is quite expensive at Rs 80 per day). But real estates rates in Mira Road have already started soaring. For those who thought, Mira Road was down-market and 'not happening' are repenting now! Its the best place beyond Borivali and the crowd seems increasing by the day!

But to see a new look, you have to go thru mess. Life's like that too if you think about it! I am waiting for happiness too after all the pain in Life! I've already changed the look of my blog - JOURNEYING THRU LIFE! Hope it brings all things positive for me!

The girl in me wants to sing, dance, be happy, loved and cared for!

A ha !

Hmm... Finally my own space! Away from prying eyes!

Created this separate blog because I wanted to be myself. A true Gemini. A geminian is not one but several people at a time. And my Blog - MY JOURNEY - Showed the serious, sensible and philosophical side of me.

I had many things to speak of like a girl- which I felt restricted from on my blog: http://myjourney-shagufta.blogspot.com/ . I felt trapped there in one mould, hence this new blog!

Through GIRLIE GUPSHUP, I hope to celebrate the girl in me!

Of course, Life is Tough and everything, but why let that affect you ? I am a cockroach and I can survive.... Like a lizard grows back it's cut tail, life is about growing out of your tensions and being yourself! Its about smiling and being a little girlie.

Kudos to Shagufta, the self-psychiatrist who treats her own failures to emerge a winner inspite of pains!

Pic courtesy : www.escapefromcubiclenation.com